Self-Esteem

1. How am I feeling right now? (Check your body for signs of stress or tension, e.g. a stiff neck or a tense stomach etc.)
2. What is the emotion I am feeling?
3. Why am I feeling this emotion?

1. What do I like about myself?
2. What do I like least about myself?
3. How do I feel about my body?
4. How do I like to spend my leisure time?
5. What kinds of people do I most like to be around?
6. List the qualities I most value in another person?
7. List the qualities I least like in another person?
8. List the people I spend most of my time with. Are these people I enjoy, or do I find them difficult?
9. What kind of work is most fulfilling to me?

1. Be kind to yourself. Notice how often you are self-critical. Try to catch yourself when you say critical, negative thoughts about yourself and STOP IT! Counter each negative thought with a positive thought. Remember, garbage in – garbage out!
2. Begin to give yourself more praise. Ask a friend to add to your list of positive qualities and attributes. Constantly add to this list and read through it at least once a week.
3. Learn to accept yourself. Stop seeing yourself in “all or nothing” terms. No aspect of ourselves is entirely positive or negative. Stop exaggerating the severity of your flaws. We seem to alternate between excessive self-righteousness and excessive self-hatred. We also tend to see others as either good or bad. We idealize people or put them on pedestals, trusting them without testing whether they can be trusted. Then when they let us down, they are bad. Accept that you and others are both good and bad. On a sheet of paper, make two columns. On one side list all of your good qualities. On the other, list the bad. Read the two recognizing they are BOTH you. You are made up of both good and bad qualities. Make the same kind of lists for those closest to you. Recognize that they too have both good and bad qualities. Try giving yourself the same benefit of the doubt you would extend to others when they are not perfect. Try being gentle with yourself when you make a mistake. E.g. “Its Ok, no-one’s perfect, try and do better next time. If you really don’t like an aspect of yourself, don’t beat yourself up about it, set real goals to change it
4. Set reachable and achievable goals. Set long term and short term goals. Ask yourself:
   1. Where do I want to be in 5 years time?
   2. What do I have to do to get there?
   3. What are my goals for this month, this week, this day?
5. If you don’t know where you are going the chances are you won’t get there. Imagine playing a game of football with no goalposts!
6. Stop taking things so personally. Because you were probably criticized as a child, and often blamed, you may be hypersensitive to criticism and judgments from others. Don’t assume that when things go wrong that it is your problem. The other person may just be having a bad day! Try to take things at face value. Ask the person to clarify what was meant if there is any doubt.
7. Stop mind reading. Because you are so convinced you are worthless, you assume that others see you that way too. If someone seems upset, don’t assume it is because of you. Check it out.
8. Stop letting others define you. Because of your low self-esteem, you may be excessively concerned about what people think of you. Negative or positive responses from people have the power to make or break your day. This gives other people too much power over you. You need to work on praising yourself and giving yourself positive “self-talk” when you complete a task. Do not allow other people to label you. Define yourself. Just because someone gives you a “coat” does not mean you have to put it on. You can say, “thanks, but this does not fit.”
9. Stop comparing yourself with others. You may have done this since you were little, looking at other’s parents and homes and wishing you could trade places. Feeling that other people have it “together” and that you don’t. The next time you start to compare yourself with others, try to see them as just being different. Not better or worse, just different. Other people’s successes or failures are not a reflection of our worth. Our feelings of jealousy may just be an indicator of what we would like for ourselves one day. Decide what you want out of life and go for it! Also remember that when we envy someone we are usually seeing an incomplete picture. Other people present a good face to the world. In reality no one has everything. Others may well admire you for your attributes. Bolster your self-esteem by turning your attention to your own good qualities.
10. Begin nurturing yourself. Write your inner child a love letter. Tell her/him you love he/him and why. List all of the wonderful characteristics that make her so loveable. Write your adult self a love letter or a letter of recognition. Include all the things that you love and admire about yourself, all the things you have accomplished, and all the progress you have made towards recovery. Encourage yourself to continue working and growing, and praise yourself for your courage.
11. Take care of your body and mind by eating, drinking, exercising and taking time to de-stress. At least once a week take time to have a long, relaxing bath. Spoil yourself with good bath products. Play soft music and use scented candles. Use good skin and hair products. Tell yourself you are worth it. Take time with your routines. Don’t rush yourself; putting other’s needs first. Put yourself first for a change. If you have small children arrange with someone to care for your children while you spend an hour or two on yourself. Do this at least once a week. This advice is for women AND men. Eat healthy meals. Think about what you eat, take time to prepare a proper meal, even if you are cooking for one. When you shop, only put healthy products in the trolley. Exercise regularly. Take time to go to a gym or walk at least three times a week. Start slowly, aiming to enjoy yourself rather than punish yourself.
12. Decide to be happy. We are what we think. How we react to people and situations is our choice. “Nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so”. Start off your day with a positive thought or affirmation. Before getting into your car decide that you will be happy and relaxed. Train yourself to do this as you put your seat belt on. Give yourself extra time to get to your destination so that you are not rushed. If someone acts like a jerk (and someone will!) let them. Don’t let it disrupt your peace. Play relaxing and happy music while you drive.