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Anger Management |
Anger is a perfectly normal human response. We cannot help getting angry. Anger helps us adapt to our environment. It helps you protect yourself and your loved ones against harm and attack. It helps you set boundaries around yourself. The function of anger is to reduce stress.
However, there can be problems.
- When you hold onto anger.
- When you are always angry… an angry person.
- When you can’t control the ways you express your anger.
These can cause great pain to you and to others. It can cause broken relationships, and even result in criminal records. When anger gets out of control, you may do things you feel guilty about later. You don’t want to hurt others but find yourself doing it anyway, over and over again.
So we are not responsible for feeling angry. We can’t help that. However, we can try and figure out why we are always so angry and deal with this, either with a therapist or by talking it out with a trusted friend.
We are responsible for how we express our anger and for the way our anger affects other people. So we have to learn ways to understand and manage our anger.
Acknowledge and accept your feeling.
This is the first step. Admit that you are feeling angry. You need to own it and name it. Sometimes it is helpful just to say “I am angry”. Once you have done this then you can move onto the next step which is:
Accepting responsibity for your anger.
OK so someone has rattled your cage, “made” you really mad. So whose problem is it. Once you’ve had a small rant and rave and said “I am angry” about ten times, what you should say next.
Well, whatever has been done to me, I am the one with the anger, and therefore it is MY PROBLEM. Once you have done this then you can accept responsibility for getting rid of it.
Writing it down is an excellent idea.
You could just write down what happened, why it made you angry, how you are feeling and what you would like to say to that person. Or you could just write down your feeling over and over again until you become bored with it.
My favourite strategy is to write a letter to the person or to the editor of the newspaper! I don’t have to post the letter if I don’t want to, and so I give myself permission so say anything I like. Sometimes the paper turns blue! I don’t care because I get it out of me and onto paper. Sometimes I burn it (usually if I could be sued or divorced!), sometimes I just keep it in my journal, sometimes I do edit it and deliver it.
Use the energy that anger produces.
Anger is accompanied by physical changes which stimulate you into action. This is why some people can’t control the impulse and become violent. You can use the energy to exercise, or do something creative, or you could just clean something.
Talk it out
Sometimes you just need to talk about it with a trusted friend, or you may decide that you want to have it out with the person you are angry with. Its usually helpful to calm down first, then work out what went wrong and what you would like to say. You can even practice saying it first in front of a mirror.
Letting go
It is helpful to remember that anger is a choice, you can choose how you want to react. You can also choose to let something go. Sometimes I burn my letter, and in that ritual, let go of my anger. You can also hand it over to God , the universe or your higher power.
If you use them often enough, these strategies eventually become your new habits and you will find that you are managing your anger very well. It’s a good feeling to feel in control and empowered! Do remember to give yourself a pat on the back and say “Well done!” when you have handled a situation well. You will remember it the next time.
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